1. Teenage boys and young men cycle faster than the speed of light.
2. Tweenage boys sprint beautifully for the first km of a race.
3. Above tweenage boys are not able to manipulate a gear change under pressure, and generally hit the first hill, get chain suck, fall off, and hold everyone behind them up.
4. It is good strategy to hit the first single track ahead of cyclists #3.
5. Cyclists #3 tend to be faster downhill riders than old ladies by myself and will generally catch you on these sections and sit right on your rear wheel with their derailleurs clanging Jingle Bells.
6. DO NOT BE TEMPTED to show courtesy and make space for them to pass, as within one kilometre, one will fall off and one will slip his chain. See #3 above.
7. This must not be confused with cyclists #1 above who will generally LAP old ladies in short lap races.
8. Being lapped by #1 is no great embarrassment. Get lapped twice and I reckon you have to cycle home rather than take the walk of shame through the car park.
9. In this completely un-marshalled, and un-marked race, it is important to know that CONES ARE OUT. A cone on a trail means "don't go this way", rather than "follow me" as it does in every other competitive sporting event internationally.
10. Do not presume that seeing as you'll be near the back of the pack, you'll just be able to follow other cyclists around the unmarked and unmarshalled course. You may be SO FAR behind the next cyclist, you can't see where they go.
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